


Cell Block Tango

by laurensfics



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: mention miled luna, mentioned blaine gibson, mentioned chris demaris, mentioned dan gruchy, mentioned jon risinger - Freeform, mentioned kdin jenzen, mentioned kerry shawcross, mentioned matt bragg, they basically all ded tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 03:52:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6357928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurensfics/pseuds/laurensfics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And now, the six merry murderers of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of the Cell Block Tango</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cell Block Tango

And now, the six merry murderers of the Cook County Jail in their rendition of the Cell Block Tango.

Ryan looked up from his spot at the cafeteria table. His eyes glowed almost happily, recounting the events that landed him in jail in the first place. His smile twisted from the corners of his mouth before he leaned in.

“You know how people have these little habits that get you down. Like Jon. Jon liked to chew gum. No, not chew.”

He paused hands slammed down on the table, face turned into a growl.

“POP.”

Ryan regained his composure as he sat back down. “So I came home this one day and I’m really irritated I’m looking for a little sympathy and there’s Jon lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewing. No, not chewing. Popping. So, I said to him, I said, "You pop that gum one more time..."” 

Ryan sighed but his smile seemed to grow.

“And he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots.”

Another pause before his eyes twinkled murderously. 

“Into his head.”

__________

 

Michael lifted his head, eyebrows lifted. “I got one you’ll enjoy.” His voice was happy but underneath was a venomous tone.

“I met Chris Demaris from Atlantic City about two years ago. And he told me he was single,” Michael smiles reminiscing, remembering the man he used to love. 

“And we hit it off right away. So, we started living together. He’d go to work, he’d come home, I’d fix him a drink, we’d have dinner.” He laughed to himself and duked him head, hiding his features.

“And then I found out, "Single" he told me? Single, my ass. Not only was he married...oh, no, he had six husbands. One of those Mormons, you know. So that night, after he came home from work, I fixed him his drink as usual.” 

Michael’s head snapped up, eyes wide and smile large enough to rival Ryan’s. His voice was giddy as he said the next part.

“You know, some guys just can’t hold their arsenic.” 

__________

 

Geoff frowned, eyes lidded as usual, but his calm blue seemed to turn icy as his hands traced the sleeves of tattoos that laced his arms.

“So I was standing in the kitchen carving up the chicken for dinner, minding my own business, and in storms my husband Joel, in a jealous rage.” 

He paused voice tense in anger. 

“"You been screwing the milkman,"” he says. He was crazy. He kept on screaming, “"you been screwing the milkman."”. 

He looked up eyes lidded, hiding the cold blue, and voice monotonous, almost bored. 

“And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times.”

_________

Jack’s eyes were glassy, the usual hazel turned into a deep brown. He looked around him, he felt disgusted but welcomed to be around the murderers. A welcome only granted by those of your kind.

“I don’t belong here. They say my famous tenant held down my husband as I chopped his head off. It’s not true! I’m innocent!” 

His voice was shaky, he seemed to be on edge. His fists curled in anger, knuckles white and shaky. He pursed his lips and took a deep breathe before continuing. 

“I don’t know why they say I did it. I tried to explain at the police station, but they won’t believe it.” 

Geoff rested his hand on Jack’s shoulder to comfort him.

“Yeah, but did you do it?” Michael asked.

Jack’s head snapped to meet Michael’s eyes, sad brown turned to angry red.

“NO! Not guilty!”

_________

Gavin took a drag from his cigarette, smoke lazily flowing from his mouth into the air. His eyes stayed locked on the ceiling above him, but his shaking outstretched leg gave away him dismissive demeanor.

“My brother, Drew and I had this double act. My husband, Dan, traveled round with us. Now, for the last number in our act, we did these 20 acrobatic tricks in a row. One, two, three, four, five...splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other.” 

He paused and took another drag, this time calmer.

“So this one night before the show we are down at the Hotel Cicero, the three of us, boozing, having a few laughs and we run out of ice. So I go out to get some. I come back, open the door and there’s Drew and Dan doing Number Seventeen- the spread eagle.” His voice growled as he dropped his cigarette. 

The last of the smoke he blew into rings to the ceiling. 

“Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can´t remember a thing. It wasn’t until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands I even knew they were dead.”  
__________

Jeremy was lifting weights silently with the group when he started to recount his murder. His sweat was mixed with slow tears. 

“I loved Matthew Bragg more than I can possibly say. He was a real artistic guy...sensitive... a painter. But he was always trying to find himself. He'd go out every night looking for himself.”

He sat up on the bench, wiping his face, but the calluses on his hands seemed to pop so his own blood mixed with the sweat and tears.

“On the way he found Miles, Kdin, Blaine and Kerry. I guess you could say we broke up because of artistic differences.”

His bloody hands gripped his chest where his golden cross used to lay. When his hands grabbed nothing, they fell limply to his side. 

“He saw himself as alive and I saw him dead.”   
________  
The Six stood in the back as the prison riot raged on. Smiles lazed on their faces as they watched the prisoners murder each other and the guards. Geoff stood in front of them all, twisting a butcher’s knife between his fingers. 

“Oh yes,” he drawled tossing the knife in the air before catching it again.

“Were going to rule this prison,” 

He threw a look to his crew.

Jack no longer was the innocent one, he had just as much blood on his hands as the rest of them now.

Ryan chewed gum silently, blowing large bubbles, a smile on his face.

Michael cracked his knuckles a fierce smile on his face as he watched the carnage unravel.

Gavin had gold earring in his ears, gold sunglasses on his face, taking long drags from his cigarette, smiling all the while.

Jeremy has one hand caressing the golden cross, the other curled into fists with brass knuckled decorating them.

Oh yes, this was just the start.

**Author's Note:**

> been a while but im back :D


End file.
